Deeper dating

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And that's how I found real love" Please note that I'm not suggesting you stop trying to meet people online.

Take advantage of all the possibilities the online world offers, but use them wisely.

But the end result, Page assures us, is learning to recognize and avoid relationships that don’t honor our deepest selves.

Learning to settle for nothing less than a person who cherishes our essence.

He said to me, "Ken, I'd come home from work and just want to turn on the TV and relax at home.

It sometimes almost made me sick to go out to meet strangers again and again, but I knew I had to.

Perhaps our vulnerabilities include former partners telling us we are “too intense.” Or maybe “too moody,” or “too demanding.” Perhaps we’ve heard these things again and again.

Perhaps, thinking back to our childhood, we hear echoes of the same accusations.

After being single for many years, my friend William is now in a great marriage. He finally accepted he had to go to gatherings with people who shared his passions.Counterintuitively, he explains,“until we understand them, our Core Gifts are often the very qualities we are most ashamed of, the ones we keep trying to fix or hide because they make us feel so vulnerable.Yet they are also the places from which we love most fully.”In a kind voice and with examples from his own and others’ experiences, Page teaches us that the first step to finding a soulful connection with a person who will love us for our essence is to reframe our sources of shame.Look for dating websites that are values-based, or for websites that offer events, meet-ups, volunteer activities, and communities of shared interests. We tell ourselves its hopeless, while we secretly long to be proven wrong. But real protection comes from your own self-acceptance, and from knowing that you won't waste time with anyone who doesn't offer you the same acceptance. And ironically, the less we accept who we really are, the more we'll be attracted to people who share a similar ambivalence toward us!After too many rejections, we often decide to hide our truest selves—at least until we've sealed the deal. I'm not advocating that you share your gravest traumas on the first date, simply that you share your authentic, vulnerable self from the very beginning. As long as we lead with an airbrushed version of self we will feel inadequate and insecure. In nature, creatures are endowed with exoskeletons or endoskeletons.

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